One More Week

When fine is not right

We are a nation of optimists. We are mostly religious in nature in some form, hence are optimist about the existence of god. We vote in huge numbers and hence are optimist about good intentions of politicians. We also drive on the opposite lane, without helmets, while talking in a cellphone with our neck bent, optimistically, because accidents happen only to others. So when India increased the traffic violation fines manifold, the optimism got a rude awakening. With newspapers now reporting regular instances of record breaking fines (sometimes exceeding the resale value of the vehicle itself), the propriety of the quantum of punishment is now being questioned. That brings me to ask an existential question, by the logic of common law, why the world drives in opposite directions at all? And what connects politics and traffic rules like conjoint twins at hips?

Left is right?

Actually might is right. The custom of driving (or riding actually) on the left side was devised by the British to ensure that your fighting arm (which was right in most case) was free and directed towards the approaching rider from the opposite side. This was to, you know, prevention against road rage circa 1600s.No wonder, statistically, left handed knights had a very short lifespan. Thankfully we Delhites are much civilized these days and don’t dangle baseball bats from the windows and hit the passing car, we get down and shoot each other instead. Convenient.

What about the right ones then?

French Connection (not UK) has to be that. The French had to do the opposite of Brits, so the aristocrats boggy-men typically chose the right side of the road. But come French Revolution, and the spillover of the driving sides literally descended upon the parliament as well. The common peasantry occupied the left side of the hall, while the aristocrats seated on the right. And just by happenstance we get our “left wing” and “right wing” politics and worldview.

Understood, but are you fine with the fine?

It couldn’t have come at a batter (typo intended) time indeed! With passenger vehicle sales sliding down to a 19 year low figures and abysmal stress in the rural economy – the well intention-ed “tax the truants” scheme seems to be backfiring. With people shifting to public transportation in cities to avoid fines in excess of ~5% don’t expect a bumper festive sale season. Add to it the reluctance of rural transporters to carry on business in face of heavy fines – thus causing more harm to the rural economy, we might be flogging the wrong block here.

So where do we head from here?

The knee jerk reaction to the business of fine seems to be of mass terror, while this should have been directed only at the minority who violate and cause damage. Media plays a huge role in creating a narrative over here and I believe they are not playing the part well enough. The focus has shifted to the quantum of punishment for commercial reasons – instead it should be on the gravity of the violations and public damage.

Is punishment really going overboard on crime here?

Really? Then you need to watch A Twelve year night currently on Netflix, just to appreciate what judicial overreach actually means. Its also a hard lesson on human endurance and an eye opener on the importance of mental health – which I think is a separate days topic.

Disclaimer: All views strictly personal, based on public information.

Rationalization of Nationalization

Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a tailor. He wondered around and ended up in a village of naked people. The tailor saw an opportunity so he rented a small shop and started a boutique. The village people has never seen such a thing as nice fancy clothes, so they started queuing up before his shop in no time. Now the tailor had a problem, how can he make clothes for all! So he raised his prices so that he can do justice to his available time and skill for the people who can pay.

So far so good. But then the landlord of the tailor, who stayed just above the shop he rented,and happened to own all the houses in the village too, came to him one night on 19th July, 1969 and said “Look, I am am going to make you an offer you cannot refuse, I will just take over your shop. You become my employee and I will give you a fixed salary. BUT you will, from now on, make only those clothes which I tell you, use those fabrics as I tell you, sell to those people whom I desire and charge that price which I fix.” The tailor had no option, so he agreed. The villagers were happy thinking now everyone gonna get cheap clothes. But then there was another problem, the landlord didn’t know a thing about fabric, or materials, or design, or the time and effort needed to make a dress. Soon the tailor was overworked, and he started to cut corners to meet the out of the world promises made by the landlord. The clothes became shabby, out of shape and eventually the villagers refused to pay. The shop now simply dragged on, but the tailor now cared less – he was getting his salary anyhow, so it was ok for him. That was 50 years back. The shop is still there, and the old tailor still lingers on. There are still naked people roaming around, and the ones who are clothed, are shabbily dressed- but the old tailor couldn’t care less. BTW, the landlord, his family and friends wear Armani now.

The good, the bad and the ugly

“When you have to shoot,shoot. Don’t talk”, said Tuco the Ugly (I think he meant our Bollywood villains). But I think eventually somebody in the corridors of power in Delhi did watch the namesake movie, and decided to agree to Tuco . And hence we saw what happened last Friday with our nationalized ban…, err..tailor shops. Now the shops have more tailors, more fabric, more sewing machines – all under one roof. Whether we will get better clothes, I frankly can’t say. But there is a problem, the shabbily dressed villagers are still there and they can’t pay, the Armani cuts won’t pay (they have forgotten how to pay). I am gonna pause here and let the reader chose her ending (Bandersnatch style). But for those who read imdb before watching the movie, here’s a review.

Hail the Prince from Persia

I heard our FM mix and match few names and was waiting to see what happens to one name which am personally interested in..UCO Bank(I have 3 family members who worked in there). And without surprise, it survives to see another day and carry on. Now here is the story which matches Alladin and the magic lamp quite a lot. Guess the number of foreign branches that UCO has. The number is 3. But none is as important as the branch in Tehran, Iran. It so happens that due to US trade embargo rules on Iran, the only way we can bypass the sanctions and continue buying Iranian oil is through UCO Bank, as due to its limited foreign exposure, its shielded from the Big Brother’s wrath. So what did Alladin a.k.a UCO get in return? the genie in the form of~14,000 Crores of 0% cost floating funds, which is due to Iran, but we will pay when the time’s right. That’s a lotttt of money without cost for a bank which reports ~4,300cr loss past year. Digest that, slowly. My strictly, absolutely personal guess (which is as good as yours too by now), this is a very compelling factor to leave UCO for the time being and not slip on the oily floor (which with a whopping 25% slippage level, is already too slimy).

So are our financial system doomed?

Not exactly. A whopping majority of RBI governors have been from the IAS cadre, mostly serving the Ministry of Finance in one form or the other. Bureaucrats have a long memory (ask any IAS aspirant the amount of mugga that is needed), and thankfully post the (golden!) BoP crisis they have learnt their mistakes..or so I believe. Post GFC, we were among the handful of countries which came out relatively unscathed (may be we were not that coupled, but that’s another story). And if Donald Amstad of Aberdeen Standard Life is to be believed(watch it, its good!..Thanks Anjali Sharma for sharing it), we still are the better armed economies (with at least 5.4% bullets remaining in our magazines) vs the -ve yielding DMs. It is going to be an “interest”-ing story…buckle up.

Disclaimer: Author has no beneficial interest in any legal or living entity mentioned in the above piece, other than his wife 🙂

Are you done (Tik)Tok-ing here?

It all started well. The extended family was meeting together to celebrate Rakhi. After lot of pondering about gifts the wifey has chosen an ensemble collection of good ol fashioned books to be given – all classics in their own merit. The gifts – nicely wrapped in “eco-friendly” 10 days old news paper, were handed over in much fanfare. We were all eagerly waiting for the teenage recipient’s glittering eyes to shine up the even more brightly as she opened the pack. And then – “Eeeks..hindi!”….silence all around. We have done a cardinal sin there – how can we gift a book which is not in English!

Language is a touchy topic. Allegorically, I like to define it as the bowl in which you serve the curry called culture. People will argue that its just the medium, what’s the big deal! Try serving butter chicken in a glass dude!

History shows the distance to which we have gone in order to preserve language identity. Perhaps the whole country of Bangladesh would still have remained East Pakistan had not the decision to impose Urdu as the official language on a Bengali speaking population in 1948. Things came to a boil in late February 1954 and a student uprise was brutally subdued. These incidents united the people and created the atmosphere of distrust which ultimately led to the events of 1971. Closer home, we have the similarly timed language movements down south against the imposition of hindi as the national and official language – its still simmering.

Chill dude! Its just a language!

” Thou art the ruler of the minds of all people,
Dispenser of India’s destiny.” Just chilling! Its “Jana Gana Mana” for you, translated by Rabindranath Thakur (yupp, its Thakur, not anglicized Tagore) himself. Same effect? I guess not. Butter chicken in a glass anyone?

So whats the point?

Literature is the mirror of life and culture. The uniquity of a region – the impact of nature on human lives, the politics, the socio-economic structure and the inherent conflicts therein – all gets expressed through words of people who are close to the ground – cliched way of saying ears to the ground. It is difficult to convert that emotion in words that are alien to the common denominator. Its not that the Brits didn’t try, when they failed, they unabashedly lifted whole Indian words to their own – few we all know like bunglow, loot (which they were good at), dacoits, – few unknown : Shampoo anyone (yupp, its originated from our very own “champo”).

But it does unite we rogues!

Really, how many? That’s one elitist thought we keep on harping about. Facebook, Twitter, – these so called networking apps are just another example of the elitism of English media trying to prevail upon the majority. Elitism which shouts out by the predominance of idol-worshipping of grammar gurus and trolling by spelling police. Why do you think a newbie like Tik-Tok is giving such tough competition to giants like Facebook in India? There’s nobody to judge you on your English skills, the vast majority of Indian youth who are unable to swim in the social media English Channel finds wings in the unwritten world of (mindless?) videos.

Cheer up! Its Friday!

Yupp, and just when I thought my rant was not enough, I will leave you with this one-of-a-kind new age shayari by Priya Malik which really forces you to slow down and ponder – are we missing the view in the hurry of reaching the view point?

Let them eat cake

“Qu’ils mangent de la brioche” is attributed to Marie Antoinette, queen of France sometime during 1789-92, difficult even for AltNews to confirm whether its disinformation, misinformation or whatever. But it stuck to her just like the stain of cheap tomato sauce on your white shirt. Though it would be utterly childish to base the causality of the French Revolution on this statement, but historians broadly agree that food (rather the shortage of it) did play a major role (and some taxes) in making the sweet mouthed French rise against the kingdom and form the basis of modern day republics.

That leads me to marry off 2 of my favourites, food and history, to produce todays edition of patterns and cycles. When the french were busy cutting off the heads of the last governing royals, little did they knew that another revolution, culinary in nature, was also taking shape. Though cafes, inns and taverns have been serving food and drinks since centuries, the industry started getting some shape only during the late 1700s. Interestingly, the clear soups being served in these places were considered restorative; hence the term “restaurant.” But till the time of the revolution, these were tightly regulated (think of pre liberalization India). It was only after the revolution, thanks to the hundreds of then jobless chefs of the recently slaughtered noblemen looking for new jobs,Paris became the restaurant capital of the world. Fire in the belly!

So what’s cooking?

The events described above reached its epoch in August, 1792. So it was really ironic when things came to a boil between Zomato and National Restaurant Association of India (NRAI) in the form of #logout in another August (well..not so august really) 2019. For the readers from Mars, Zomato (a food delivery platform,named so because it rhymed with tomato!) ran a very salivating program called Zomato Gold which enabled you to order 1+1 or 2+2 on F&B at major restaurants. But showing ingenious (misguided?) entrepreneurship, we quickly learnt to game the system. And as has now been famously quoted by Zomato, a major pain point of the restaurants are the gangs who hop between places on a busy night, claiming 1X1 starters at one place, 1X1 main course at another, and 2X2 drinks at the last. NRAI protested the erosion of volumes and corrosion of margins, and decided to deny the benefits to customers (or as they love to call – patrons). Zomato initially announced corrective measures (by limiting benefits and increasing costs for the “patrons”), and today resorted to favourite pastime of Indians – twitter wars. Ultimately the food war became bloody for the so called royal “patrons” in 1792, and by the looks of it, seems like an action replay in 2019 as well…starting with contract violations- if I may call the changes in T&C. But there is an interesting silver lining – despite all hoopla around deployed artificial intelligence and applied big data by Zomato, our natural neurons have outsmarted them in round 1. Ding.

So what makes me despair today?

Apart from the fact that I cannot unlock my Gold membership anywhere tonight, the story thats burning my thoughts is the amazon fire (no,its not the namesake device!). Thankfully our own Chandrayan 2 is sending us pictures of the moon, coz if it looks back, it will only see the smoking lungs of the earth. And knowing that the fire is man made to add more agricultural land by clearing the largest rain forest – is it really worth it? The survival rule of 3 says we can go without food for 3 months, without water 3 days and without air – 3 minutes..so take your pick.

Anything to make me hopeful?

Afroz Shah, a true champion of the earth, almost single handedly (with some help from friendly neighbors)cleared up the versova beach in Mumbai of >4,000 tonnes of plastic waste. I sincerely wish he shifts his attention towards NCR and the famous Ghazipur dump one day, we have a mountain to move!

Mind passing me the umbrella sir?

Yesterday we celebrated our Independance Day. Though one should really wonder why we call it Independance when its rather more like a divorce – a rather messy one at that- from an abusive relationship at best. If at all someone was dependant on anyone it was the Brits – on Indian resources and cheap (free!) labour. In 1600s when the British East India company was formed India accounted for 25% of global trade, in 1947, when they left us, we were reduced to <3%.

But thats not what makes me come to my keyboard on a beautiful, romantic, rainy evening. Its rather what the PM mentioned in his speech – on water – conservation of it to be precise – that stoked the irony on the whole Independance Day speech thing. Had it not been for water – or rain – on a fateful day on the 23rd of June, 1757, we might not even have needed to “celebrate” 15th August.

Let me tell you a story

And like majority tragic Indian stories, this one has a young out-of-luck Prince, hordes of conspiring courtlings straight out of Ekta Kapoor serials, cows, guns, rain and a lucky British officer. Little did they knew that all of them will be part of writing Indias history for the next 190 years to come.

The East India company since 1615 managed to nibble at small princely states till then. The mughals have faded away and were just holding on to their names for peace sake. The only major state which stood in front of the ever expanding ambitions of the company was Bengal (todays West Bengal, Bihar, Odissa, Bangladesh combined). In 1756 the old nawab Alibardi Khan died and the mantle passed on to the mercurial Siraj-ud-Dullah – who might have nursed an ambition to take over the mughals. One thing led to other (including the infamous genocide of European civilains by Siraj’s forces – known as the Black Hole massacre (everything is fair you know- when compared to brown). I think most us know (try Google else) of the Mir Jafars and the betrayal by Siraj’s generals for the lure of money being offered by Clive (can’t call him Lord, am a bengali after all!). What most history books overlook is the happenstance of the untimely interference of the infamous Indian monsoon rains.

Shouldn’t it have cooled everyone there?

Alas! Don’t know if Clive later on started loving rains after all (no britisher can) I really don’t know. But on that day, in the Battle of Plassey, facing a 30,000 strong army led by 53 HUGE cannons (I mean mughal era HUGE, and when it comes to guns, size do matter boss!), each mounted on a commensurate wooden platform (which had all its ammunitions piled on top) drawn by 10 holy indian cows – I would not have traded places with him for all the whiskey of scotland. Especially if you have 3,000 soldiers and just 10 light howitzers. And – tarpaulins.

Wait – what?

For all that I know, Clive may well have bribed the rain god that day in 1757 as well, coz as it rained- in the middle of the battle – he covered all ammos using the tarpaulins using the haste of the groundsmen in Oval during Ind-NZ match, and literally saved the day – and another 190 years – for the Brutes (oops! Brits). For after it stopped raining, Siraj’s canons were dead meat – the wet ammo won’t fire, and the heavy paltforms sank in the mud – so they won’t move either. Rest of the day became an inspiration for Red Wedding I guess.

I thought we were suppose to look for patterns?

Brevity my dear, the patterns of rain and mud playing truant with our armed struggles are all over. Alexander the Great defeated Porus the equally great, thanks to a little help from rain. Indians relied on heavy bows which needed support from hard land to fire their arrows, while the greeks had small, light bows which can be arrowed(!) from horseback. It was a rainy day, and the Indian bows didn’t work (Siraj definitely didn’t know this, else he might have tried the king to king dialogue :P).

Too heavy history, is there any silver lining?

One name – Neelesh Misra stands out, especially his recent story series called Pani ki Chithithi brings out wonderful real life examples of rain water harvesting and its impact on everybody. Its a must watch (err…must hear rather, its a radio show after all) which will show you that ever elusive half full glass.

The butterfly flapped its wings

I don’t think when Shakespeare coined his famous “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio” quote, he had exactly the heaven on earth in mind – heck this heaven was probably not even discovered by the British when Hamlet was written. India – or the idea of it – was mostly a Portugese find then – and probably would have just turned out to be fine if Goa can be considered a template :D. Jokes apart, the British did try their level best not to meddle in the lands where their fabled navy had little reach. Back when I was growing up, we had a saying in bengal – you will find a punjabi and his truck everywhere in the world – heck we even have a town called Punjabi mod in Bengal, on GT road, till date! Back in 1819 the truck was preceded by horses and it was Maharajah Ranjit Singh who ran his horse and his rule on Kashmir. But eventually after him, in 1846, this crown jewel fell on the laps of the British and they quickly sold it off to the next highest bidder – the self styled Maharajah Gulab Singh for 75 lakh Nanakshahi rupees – as forex.com was not invited yet, lets presume its ~USD166 by PPP. Coins counted, they bid goodbye- or so they presumed!

By 1889 the then Maharajah has lost control due to increased infighting and the British had to step in again – restoring it back to the Dogras only again in 1921,i.e. post WW1. Buy cheap and sell high anyone? A strange historical pattern – WW1 ends in 1918, 3 years later – give up Kashmir. WW2 ends in 1945, 3 years later – give up Kashmir – again – and India (the Brits left India in 1948 physically)!

Are we done with the numbers yet!

Heck no! Otherwise who studies patterns in the pages of boring history books on a Friday? Maharajah Hari Singh took 72 days from the day India got her Independance to sign the famous Instrument of Accession. It took 72 years before another Instrument was added in the history of its association, which looks like to be as important as the original one.

Boring! tell me something new!

Finding new in history is pretty oxymoronic by itself. And I cannot write new history for free, so pay me trolls! What we do know though – and historians tend to conviniently gloss it over – that the Battle of 1947-48 between India and Pakistan was probably the only instant in memorable memory that the British fought from both the sides – at least at the top most level! Will somebody tell me the meaning of the word “mercenary” please? It makes me think – while the Generals are both British – they being paid by the natives but ruled by the House of Commons, was it not common knowledge then what was going to happen? Are we to really believe that the top guys were not sending in their notes daily to their ultimate masters sitting in London – who would be matching notes? I can almost see them laughing their ass off while we f****d our asses off. Who had the last laugh?

So where does the butterfly end up in all this?

While I keep on fantasizing the size of the butterfly which can create a typhoon, small things do have a prickly way of creating mess around – ask my son! And while the butterflies in the valley of Kashmir was busy flying from flower to flower on a fateful day of Aug 1947, the real juice was in the hands of (not again!) a Punjabi Major in the Indian Army, Major O.S.Kalkat. His British superior officer received a letter marked “Top Secret” while he was away and so he asked Maj Kalkat to open and read it. Lo and behold! Inside it was the full blueprint of Operation Gulmarg, which – in short – had the full details of the impending typhoon of kabali invasion on Kashmir – with Pakistani regulars leading them. He literally ran to India to inform his superiors (sadly – no whatsapp!) but who believes a low ranking officer and his conspiracy theories (Kargil anyone?)!

So what kept me worried this week?

Kiddin right? At least the US and Soviet kids had decades of training of what to dos in case of any military action by each other. We don’t even take office fire drill seriously! Territorial disputes have never been solved by 2 civil person sippin coffee by the side of a swimming pool. Heck we have a full epic written on disagreement over needle tip land! Am I being cynic? Its the extra chromosome we bongs are born with – afterall the rest of India suffered partition once, we the lucky one – twice!

So how did you sleep last night?

Jamyang Tsering Namgyal – nopes he is not accepting any more friend requests. I don’t know much about his performance as a MP in his constituency much, but if he has even an ounce of integrity as much this speech of his, then we as a nation have not stopped producing good leaders. His lack of prowess in hindi is 1000 times made up for by what he had to say – content is king – and this is surely no low hanging fruit what he achieved in 20 minutes.

Who ate my Banana?

2 humble bananas lying coyly on a plate, fully wrapped in cellophane did what even Mallika Sherawat as co-star failed to do to Rahul Bose’s career as an actor – make him an household name. While one man’s misery turned out to be a million viewers’ amusement, you just couldn’t ignore the irony being played out.

The innocuous banana has a very long social, political and economic history, certainly more colourful and more convoluted than its normal self. Cutting a long story short, the world really opened up to this wonder fruit once it was introduced on the breakfast table of Americans in the late 1800s. Thankfully nobody thought of imposing any tarriffs on this golden fruit then and as it happens in the land of excesses,the Americans simply went bonkers. Slowly corporations which wanted to control the supply went ahead and bought huge amount of lands in the Caribbeans, where bananas were mostly grown. They built infrastructure, provided huge employment opportunities, and like all law abiding corporations, meddled in the local politics to ensure profit maximization. Slowly these countries became mere puppets in the hands of likes of United Fruit Company (history and irony are sisters – United Spirits anyone, something really unites all companies with United name in them). Thus bore the name “banana republics”.

Cut to 2019 and we have JW Marriott,an American company serving over priced Cavendish Bananas to a genetically price sensitive Bong! Fait Acompli!

So why am I going bananas?

India is the largest banana producing country in the world, sitting at ~30K tonnes per annum, valued at close to $8bn. But we hardly export any of it. Leave that, we end up consuming mostly the Rahul Bose variety which is alien to India, the one you will invariably end up buying from any of the supermarts. The bland golden cavendish absolutely pales in front of the flavourful Poovan, Rasthali, Virupakshi, Champa,Chakkarakeli and other close to 30 local varieties. We simply do not provide any incentives or support to our local farmers to get their produce to people who can afford rightful prices. For once I think I would have loved to be in a banana republic.

Aren’t we in one already?

Well, while lambasting the current government may be in fashion, we really tend to ignore the path that we have covered till now. Came across this very eye opening Films Division documentery shot in 1967 on the eve of Independence Day. Its aptly called I am 20 (click to view in youtube) and it interviews a motley collection of people who were born on 15th Aug 1947. One thing that strike me immediately is the clarity of thought process of some of them – these are 20 year olds after all! It was the IT generation of 50 years back, and the aspirations are not at all different from ours today! Jobs, fashion, how to have a girlfriend – nothing has changed actually! Do watch out for the bong in there though – the most lost and confused one. The tone of despair was high as the experiment called India was still happening.

So, what gives me hope?

The cliched animal spirit, its not stopping. Its just pausing to catch some breath before the sprint again. We have gone through the Hindu Rate of growth in the 70s, and its the sheer aspiration of the people alone which have and will take us forward. And a little tax relief.

All Quiet on the Western Front?

It was exactly 20 years ago that the guns fell silent in Kargil. Now war evokes mixed sentiments among people. For some, especially the arm chair patriot types who will hog the limelight in all discussion – in person or WhatsApp/Twitter, its the greatest adrenaline rush one can buy for free. But its a costly rush – 527 killed, 1363 wounded, and this is just on the Indian side (we will never know the figures from the Pakistani side, because hey, there were no Pakistanis involved!). I know when I held a live 7.62mm cartridge for the first time in my life in a firing exercise, the only feeling I had was “Holy Fuck!, This goes inside!”

That was 1999. That was also the year I landed up in IIT-KGP. But hey, don’t start getting all gloomy and teary-eyed on hearing that, its a Friday after all! So here some interesting history (and don’t forget, we will see how history has a strange habit of repeating itself in this thread!). The Indian Army was taking a beating from the Pakis because of their locational advantage, so they called up their pals in IAF for some help. That help came in the shape of Mirage – 2000s which dropped Israeli made Laser Guided Bombs on the intruders and delivered them to their maker(barbeque nation style). 20 years later, at Balakot, IAF used the Mirage – 2000s again, dropping Israeli made SPICE bombs on terrorists, and delivered them to their maker (do you still qualify for 40 virgins?). Time to get some new wings, maybe?

It was also in 1999 that India beat Pakistan in World Cup Cricket, venue – Old Trafford, England. Whoa! Fast forward 20 years, 2019 – World Cup Cricket – host, again England, venue – Old Trafford, players – India – Pakistan, result – same! History – is stranger than fiction they say. I know some will say that lets not bundle sports and combat together, that cricket is gentleman’s game , blah blah blah – well…tell that to Virat Kohli. Oh! and did I forget, we didn’t lift the cup then and today. Cheers to that!

What did I see this week

Not that I intended to, but I somehow landed at Omaxe Gurgaon mall, kid and wifey in tow, to watch the “The Lion King”. No wonder the kid loved it. But while negotiating the stairs, the thing that caught my eyes (and imagination :D) was the other stores in the mall. You suddenly realize that in the middle of the maddening chaos of what is Sohna Road outside, you have landed yourself in a “Pleasure Island” (R.L. Stevenson, please forgive me!). With names like “Pari massage”, “Heaven massage”, “Angle –no typo here massage”, “Touch Me massage” and all possible permutation and combinations of medium and outcome. But hey, they were mostly empty or shuttered. Another casualty of the infamous jobless growth maybe?

What did I hear this week

Mine is 7.5, what’s yours? 5? 4? 2? No, am not talking about the teenage boyish fascination about the single most important number here, but, ahem! the grown up mostly-male fascination over a very simple cure-for-all – GDP growth! If you have been staying in India you must be hearing lot about these 3 letters and its various ramifications. But as I started listening to this podcast in last few days,I increasingly realized how little we know about this immensely complex topic. My takeaway is, its best to leave this topic to people who really understand how GDP is guesstimated and focus more on how to stream the cheaper Netflix mobile-only plan to my BIG screen TV :P. But in case you have no sense of finer things in life, let me dole you one more dissuading fact – the expenditure approach of GDP calculation would be grossly influenced by govt. expenditure – of any kind. So the best way to jack up the number would be to wage a war! Maybe the reason why US goes to war every now and then, other than using it as an A&P cost for its weapon sales.

Room for more gloom?

I was in discussion with a dear friend who brought up the topic of grossly expensive primary school education in Gurgaon – especially for urban islanders with kids – like us. Now any decent market participant worth merit will swear not to buy a stock with astronomically high PE ratio – not everything is an HUL after all. But when it comes to Price/Education ratio, I really do not see the E part here growing manifold anytime soon. Mr. Market, could you please share some of your price correction on this side as well? And talking about corrections, when will the proverbial market bottom show itself up?

So,finally, what keeps me hopeful

Cycle, cycle and more cycles! This shall pass too. During 1997-98 there were close to 4000 NBFCs then. Post 2001, very few of them did actually survive and the ones which did,rewarded their investors handsomely. I sincerely hope this time is NOT different and post the mayhem and the resultant consolidation, we will have a far clear environement (and less crowd to chose from). Chaos is more orderly than we believe it is.

For whom the bell tolls..

Taking inspirtaion from Metallica’s Turn the page – Here I am, on the keyboard again. To begin with, am a bit of anxious becaus it seems my one week prior rant on monsoon (which I think should now be named as monlate) have really shaken up some high and mighty. In a classic example of shifting the goalpost, apparently, IMD is considering shifting monsoon onset dates . So shut up all you morons and let us sleep 1 more week in peace before you go harping all over again. And lest you guys start labelling me as one of those intolerants who always looks at the glass as half empty, well, now am not alone officially, as policymakers shift to half glass policy. That means ~ 120ml per serving, reminds me of the recent Amazon Prime series – 4 more shots please :).

Can you please explain the header again!

Though Ernest Hemingway chose the title for one of his best works in a different context – that of the defeat of democracy in the hands of fascism in Spain, this stuck me while I was part of a discussion between my parents and in-laws (and no, for a change they were not discussing the difference of prices of veggies in Delhi/Durgapur vs. Gurgaon, which also might have interested Mr Hemigway I believe). The topic was very 1990’s, the advent of telephone as a regular, commonplace, consumerist household product (its earliest avatar of the black monolithic structure should have most certainly appealed to bodybuilders I believe). I consider this as the biggest democratic event to have happened to Indians (Maruti comes a distant second – a story for another day) as distances got reduced and choices increased. But for starters, it was a mixed bag. Take the example of my mother. Ours was a company provided telephone (its number being 4692, nobody saw the hidden double whammy coming). Suddenly we were the most popular folks in our entire neighbourhood, and decades before Ekta Kapoor started dishing out the broadway version of household politics, we had an (unwanted) front row seat to all sorts of dramas. From hidden romances to new recipes, everything were discussed (privacy as a concept was not discovered yet) and my mother played the unwanted “sutradhar” as she had to go and fetch the intended recipients everytime the phone bell rang, and it mostly rang for others :D.

But incidents like these apart, if we think of the sheer impact of the opening up of the telecom sector on our daily lives, it is nothing less than the invention of penicillin maybe. As the size of the phones shortened, their invasion on all things imaginable (least of all must be privacy, but then, who cares!) ballooned. Just that the toll these information highways are extracting will put NHAI to shame.

What I heard this week

A lot actually! But mostly I would like to remain focussed on one of the best podcasts on mental models out there “The Knowledge Project”, specifically “Becoming a model thinker”. A lot of us are in the business of data analytics in one form or the other, or at least – like to think they are. Just that in the muddled hierarchy of data->information->knowledge->wisdom, most of us get lost at the data stage itself. While we are safely outsourcing the journey to the later 3 progressively finer stages to AI (Here I go, on the rant again!) what tickles my funny bone (yes, there’s one, like the one inside a shrimp) is that AI – being fed on historical data, can only dish out backward looking results – not forward looking opinions. Decisions at EOD should always be left to humans for accountability sake atleast, for heck – its always too easy to blame the algo, it can’t fight back(till now at least)! Do go through it if you have time. Oh, and by the way, there is a great part on how complex decisions are best taken spontaneously by the crowd, rather than a central authority from an air conditioned room staring at data – fellas in US – thats the reason why we Indians are so better drivers! Lane that!

What I read this week

Well, am still reading it, but “The Lost Decade (2008-18)” by Puja Mehra is turning out to be a fascinating read, at least for the journalistic facts. I do believe that since Independance we have always missed the global growth bus whenever it starts to gather speed. All the so-called pro poor policies actually end up taxing the have-littles and benefit a few special interest groups, for the simple reason that we have-littles/nothings are dispersed and have miniscule influence on policymakers (oh don’t give me that once in 5 years election BS). Spoilers ahead – she puts the blame out and out on Pranab Mukherjee though, and for multiple reasons. One thing kept on hitting me though as I pored over the pages, with the budget just over and some landmark steps in legal reforms (like Article 377 etc.) behind us, are we increasingly trying to look “socially liberal and fiscally conservative”, while in reality we do not have the simplest idea of how to run a billion people?

What keeps me awake at night

Have you seen a 2009 movie “The Road” ? Its post apocalypse in nature but combine it with the newsflow on climate change and how the earth is becoming hotter and drier – and you have a perfect recipe for a night outer. Deep down, its a father-son bond story, and maybe that struck a different chord somewhere, but I sincerely hope these signals turn out to be dud just like the post-apocalypse movies of the 70s which predicted a global nuclear war yesterday.

What keeps me hopeful

Well, it has to be another father-son story, and one of my favourites : The Pursuit of Happyness . Will Smith aside, (and ignoring the fact that it involves Wall Street), the positivity it brings to you and the explanation provided at the end of the movie regarding its misspelt name, keeps you hopeful that we have time and again rose against all odds to make us better off. BTW, we are defnitely overall prosperous than humankind was in 1900s, but are we necessarily better off?

The Rain that never came

Nothing cheers up a bengali more than a few drops of rain!! Ok, I know its an overstatement, and probably rain will come much later in the cheerleader ranking, post Durgapujo, fish, pseudo- intelluctualist discussion, maybe even after 25 paisa increase in bus fares of Kolkata (am not a Kolkatan BTW). But what stops me from starting off my new endeavour on a romantic note, all the more when I know what am going to dish out most probably is trademark cynicism and contra calls.

Like most cubicle feeders, I can’t think out of blocks (leave aside out of box), so am mostly going to stick to a set pattern, or blocks, of thought process. Makes it easy also for my readers (if there are any!) to leave the blocks which looks heavy (no puns here, so none intended!)

WTF with the header dude!

Well today is 12th of July, 2019. And apparently, sitting in Gurgaon- India, its suppose to be “PEAK” rainy season by now. But the only thing thats peaking is the heat, and maybe if we look back after 10 years or more and wonder on the veracity of climate change, this date will come handy to determine the day we stopped caring about earth, and earth decided to give it back. Plant as many trees we may, but for today, the clouds are saying ‘nuf dude! and are as elusive as Aishwarya Rai to Vivek Oberoi (Google up man!). It bothers me, not because I wanted to get drenched so much (any how, 4 mm of rain and it looks like I should have bought Noah’s Ark rather than my hatch), but because its becoming more and more clear that the desertification of Gurgaon and Delhi is almost written in stone now. What for the Aravallis being cut down and replaced by towering multi stories, which look haunted from the day they are being handed over for occupation. Not too long ago in history, the invaders (can I use that term without someone getting offended somewhere? But then, who cares!) came from the West, and plundered the riches of the valleys of India. The great Thar is now invading our capital, and can’t see any army capable of putting up any defence against it. Oh! We recently planted 2 trees and are trying to help them grow, perhaps like Tom Hardy in Mad Max 2 one day someone will come looking for them (warned you, its not a feel-good place in here).

What I heard this week

I have been recommending the newly discovered podcast “Seen and the Unseen” by Amit Varma to one and all this week. It all started off with the episode on “India’s Lost Decade”, the one that I really liked this week is “The Public Choice Theory”. https://www.seenunseen.in/episodes/2019/5/20/episode-121-public-choice-theory Maybe it resonated with the innovative rationalization of several things I tend not to do, like voting! I really second the opinion that the current political marketplace is so bereft of choices that by not voting I am trying to send across a signal – a demand of a product that is not yet available out there. This signal is bound to get reflected someday somewhere and an intelligent political entrepreneur (Delhites – I said Intelligent) will someday come out with a viable product. Though I would like to add my own masala to it, and demand a different marketplace itself (and my wife can vouch for it when I say this). Am not generalized lazy, but I am just selectively energetic.

What I read this week

If I have to choose one specific term that stuck to my kind this week, it has to be “Secular Stagnation”. For the uninitiated, its a Financial term trying to explain the trend of very low to almost zero (and in some cases, -ve) returns despite pumping in billions of dollars. Though not a new term, and apparently being popularized by ex US Treasury Sect Larry Summers in 2013, this points to a long trend of low return slow growth environment , and generally not a easy place to be.

Have you been somehow involved in the financial world, working in India as of today, you might have come across numerous news reports of international pension funds making a mad scurry after Indian Infrastructure projects. Something which even the Indian owners might be wondering why, but who cares when you can sell something for 100 bucks which you know might not be worth (xx, put in your own number, am not here to give advice of any kind!). But the para prior explains the lines prior. But don’t know the causality here, make your own calculations.

What keeps me awake at night

On weekends I can safely say NetFlix and HotStar, but am talking about the week that went by right :). Well, 1 word, cycles! And am not talking about the green one which is standing in my son’s toyroom unused. Being 80’s born we are tied up hopelessly with the turning cycles – business and financial. Having been through tech and GFC, this time time I like to call it “Its different”. Artificial Intelligence in the hands of Naturally Stupid people is giving rise to a situation which we cannot even think off. Being a naturally cynic person (yes, I carry 2 mobile phones, 1 of them being a dumb Nokia one in this SmartPhone era because my Inherent Trust Quotient is abysmally low), I fail to see how AI and Robotics and Smart Work places going to solve the job crisis which we have in hand. Maybe 10 years + some(and a very small sum) gray hair on my head + a lot of benefit of hindsight would be able to tell my today-self, that I should have slept better!

What (rather who) gives me hope

Without buttering my better half, it has to be the girl with whom I spend most (well, to be fair, almost all) of my sleeping time with :). She would be the person who will get up on a scorching May morning, travel 100 kms both ways on a government (what is it anyway!) declared holiday, stand in a mile long (artistic liberty ahem!) queue and VOTE! she would be the person who will kick my gym-fed, nicely designed, shapely posterior (again, artistic liberty!) to wake up at 5 in the morning and go on a tree plantation drive, to fight the desertification of Delhi-Gurgaon. She would be person who almost single handedly transform a 500 family housing society to adopt Solid Waste Management. The lady who will force the “ek panni dena bhaiya” family of ours to go “Plastic free” in a matter of weeks… as long as there are more like her out there, we still have hope 🙂 (dont kill me, https://www.linkedin.com/in/anjali-sharma-7705347/, you are really not that violent).